


Tin of Lima Beans

by Ewebie



Series: Guess My Race Is Run [10]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Crack Fic, From Paia's plot bunny farm, M/M, Serious Nonsense, Sorry Not Sorry, This is just silly... no smut... soz, Twitter Prompt, Twitter short, mystrade, this is paia's fault
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-05
Updated: 2020-05-05
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:14:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24027220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ewebie/pseuds/Ewebie
Summary: Mycroft is a villain out to cause trouble for his little brother. To foil his plans, Mycroft kidnaps Greg, but as the days pass, it's clear that Sherlock isn't coming to rescue his detective.Mycroft feels rather awkward about the whole situation.
Relationships: Mycroft Holmes/Greg Lestrade
Series: Guess My Race Is Run [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/877377
Comments: 34
Kudos: 177
Collections: JustMystradeThoughts Plot Bunny Adoptions





	Tin of Lima Beans

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jamlockk](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jamlockk/gifts).
  * Translation into 中文-普通话 國語 available: [Tin of Lima Beans](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24092224) by [goldfishandchip](https://archiveofourown.org/users/goldfishandchip/pseuds/goldfishandchip)



> Many thanks to the discord discussion that lead to this nonsense!
> 
> Happy Belated Birthday to Jam!

**Greg:** Who the fuck do you think you are? What are you doing?

**Mycroft:** Quite clearly, I’m kidnapping you.

**Greg:** Do you know who I am?!

**Mycroft:** Detective Inspector Lestrade. I know exactly who you are. Do you know who _I_ am?

**Greg:** Should I?

**Mycroft:** *sigh* My brother is a heathen.

**Greg:** Oh Christ, there’s two of you.

**Mycroft:** Just get in the car please.

(an hour later)

**Mycroft:** Hello, brother dear.

**Sherlock:** Piss off, Mycroft. I’m busy.

**Mycroft:** Have you not noticed something missing?

**Sherlock:** Oh God. What did you do now?

**Mycroft:** I have kidnapped your DI. Let’s see you continue to solve crimes now.

**Sherlock:** What... like I actually need him.

**Mycroft:** I... I will... I'll torture him

**Sherlock:** Nothing could be more torturous than your presence.

**Mycroft:** I'm serious. I... I am dastardly.

**Sherlock:** *smirks* Toodles.

**Mycroft:** *stares at his now disconnected mobile*

(another hour later)

**Mycroft:** Did you receive my ransom demands?

**Sherlock:** Was the picture entirely necessary?

**Mycroft:** Consider it proof of life.

**Sherlock:** ... handcuffs, Mycroft? Really?

**Mycroft:** The zip ties were too cruel.

**Sherlock:** and the velour lining?

**Mycroft:** He... He has sensitive skin… Sherlock? Sherlock!

(another hour later)

**Mycroft:** Sherlock, my patience is wearing thin. I cannot guarantee the safety of Lestrade for much longer.

**Sherlock:** No? Why not?

**Mycroft:** B-because he’s a hostage. And I am nefarious.

**Sherlock:** So, ok. You nabbed him to mess with me.

**Mycroft:** I did.

**Sherlock:** And I get that you had to like... tie him up.

**Mycroft:** He would have escaped.

**Sherlock:** … handcuffed…

**Mycroft:** We’ve been over this.

**Sherlock:** And the gag?

**Mycroft:** He kept swearing at me. He really does have an extensive vocabulary.

**Sherlock:** Why is he on your bed?

**Mycroft:** He… He has a bad back.

**Sherlock:** … And goodbye again.

(another hour later)

**Sherlock:** Alright. So I’m here. Would you please text mummy and let her know that I’ve ‘looked in on you.’

**Mycroft:** Do you really have no intention of attempting to liberate DI Lestrade?

**Sherlock:** Whatever for?

**Mycroft:** He… He is integral to your work.

**Sherlock:** Well, I'm not taking him back now... you've... sullied him.

**Mycroft:** Don't be such a child.

**Sherlock:** You break it; you bought it.

**Greg:** I am literally right here.

**Sherlock & Mycroft:** Shut up.

**Greg:** Rude, much?

**Sherlock:** Right. Fine. Just give me Lestrade and I’ll leave you alone.

**Mycroft:** No.   
****

**Sherlock:** Oh my God. Why not?

**Mycroft:** B-Because Stockholm Syndrome is real.

**Sherlock:** ... that's... that's when the prisoner starts to like the captor

**Mycroft:** Which is precisely what I said.

**Sherlock:** Pretty sure you have it the wrong way round.

**Mycroft:** Don’t be pedantic.   
****

**Sherlock:** Accurate.

**Greg:** What's it called if it's mutual?

**Sherlock & Mycroft:** Lima Syndrome.

**Greg:** huh… ok.

**Sherlock:** Doesn’t matter. No one could possibly like you. I don't care about Stockholm Syndrome.

**Mycroft:** Rude.

**Greg:** Oi, fuck you!

**Sherlock:** ... ew. No.

(another hour later and back at NSY)

**Constable:** ok, can you explain it again, Sir?

**Greg:** So... he kidnapped me right.

**Constable:** Yes

**Greg:** And then... he... let me go

**Constable:** Just like that?

**Greg:** Yeah. Just like that.

**Constable:** Why would he do that?

**Greg:** Well... *scratches his head* He just said, "If you love something..."

(another hour later)

**Mycroft:** Well, he’s been released. You can re-engage with New Scotland Yard.

**Sherlock:** Woo-hoo.

**Mycroft:** I can't believe you weren't bothered to come get him.

**Sherlock:** You've always been so possessive of your playthings.

**Mycroft:** I... I have no argument for that.

**Sherlock:** Try to keep your hands to yourself for a bit.

**Mycroft:** That’s rich coming from you.

**Sherlock:** Isn’t it? Toodles!

(a week later and back at Mycroft’s lair)

**Mycroft:** Detective Inspector. What are you doing here?

**Greg:** Oi! You're a right prick, you know that?

**Mycroft:** I have never been known to be charitable.

**Greg:** You kidnapped me!

**Mycroft:** I did.

**Greg:** You gagged me!

**Mycroft:** You were swearing quite profusely.

**Greg:** And tied me up.

**Mycroft:** Clearly.

**Greg:** To your bed!

**Mycroft:** Must we rehash this... Yes, I clearly did all of those things.

**Greg:** Just explain ONE thing.

**Mycroft:** Fine.

**Greg:** *quietly* why didn't you call?


End file.
